My Writing and Picture Blog

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

New painting: Boy using magic to move flames away from the road an old woman is on. Birds attacking.

Painting: "Nativity"

"Nativity" from Latin nativus ‘arisen by birth’

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

I feel like time is a gift, that it's rare to be a person experiencing this life, that if you can feel that way, if you can remember that and here that, your in the right spot. From that spot you have the chance to be a good person, make great art if you want, speak from your heart and it'll mean somethin. I feel like if you get to that point, this time is a gift. I'm not referring to this time off becuz of losing the job. I mean time here on earth. I don't wanna waste my time. I'm extremely aware of it, of what's a good use of time for me, what's a waste of my time and energy. Sitting on a bench in the park with a cup of coffee. 830am. Watching people in professional clothing, black mostly, black shoes, black suits, women and men, filing in from around to a black doorway, to an office building, very fancy and expensive office building downtown by the river. I wanna know what's going on right now for the strangers I'm seeing every day. I know they have lives. I wanna know what's going on in their heads. I wanna hear it. I wanna read it. Not sure what's smart anymore. If I would work that job I'd be paid, but I'd be bored. I believe I can be an artist even tho I don't know how to draw something that looks like something in real life. That's what people I know seem to be most impressed by, or street art, what's trendy, graffiti. I don't think that's what it's about. I think whatever you feel drawn to, you're drawn there, you're being drawn. You have to go with it. It's just another way of seeing things. It's still valuable. Even if it's just a tool for you, to get somewhere for yourself. It takes all kinds. Everything does. There are no rules. There is no one kind of person for something. I feel like all of this is very personal, can be, will be, for me. It doesn't have to be a bunch of quiet people afraid to say what they feel. That this journey, the journey to feel fulfilled and to find peace is different for everybody and you can't put limits on how someone gets there. People can and do, but the secret is to know it takes all kinds and anybody can end up doing anything and should follow what they're drawn to, not to be swayed by other people and the limitations those people on themselves or their thoughts or their thinking. I wanna write books and make artwork that's personal and real. I just wanna make things that are beautiful and I'm proud of. If I think about the future, I think nothing will be hidden anymore. There will be no secrets. The "strongest" people, the people that people will lift up, will have nothing to hide and will have talent at something. I believe that world is the world now for young people. The power's not in being careful what you say, hiding, second guessing, but in being human, with all that that means, good and bad. I don't know how politicians think they can live in that world but that's the real world now. I don't think there can be any fear anymore. I say that but I'm still fearful, of being rejected, of saying something that will be disappointing or go to far and isolate me. But I believe it's important to do what you love. To be an example of somebody who is doing what they love. That's a powerful thing. Not hiding anything. Not being scared. I don't have to be concerned with other things right now. This is my joy. Doing this. Writing and painting. I don't wanna craft everything I write. Sometimes I will. Sometimes I wanna just write what I'm feeling. That's it. I watched this motivational video about Kobe. That lit a fire. So I'm trying to blog more now, write and paint something every day and put it up here. If you're here for the first time, drop a comment and say hello. Share your artwork or your writing or your music if you want to. Peace

p.s. the article the guy references in the video about Kobe's work ethic is here.

"Follow your bliss and don't be afraid and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be."

Joseph Campbell

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

New painting: Man holding baby while witch tries to intervene

Man holding baby close as witch tries to intervene

I feel a connection to life, to life's creatures, to history. I wanna share my creations with God's creations.

Painting: My fight is with life, to make something of it. All my life I haven't been being myself. I'm a fighter, an incredible fighter. But nobody knows it. But I believe in something. I believe I have something to say, to share. This world is full of color and beauty and life, animals, creatures, shapes. There's so much to see.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Tuesday

I'm walking towards the main train station, one of the city's main foot traffic hubs. It's 9ish. Tuesday. I'm watching people come and go. There are a lot of young people on their way to school and a lot of tourists arriving to the city for the first time. If i had a job, i would have to be there now, but since the new year I'm unemployed. A life of doing a job you don't like in front of a computer 8-9 hours a day is not for me anymore. The future is me doing something i enjoy and making money from it. I can feel it. I need to find something where I can work hard for myself and enjoy what I'm doing. I've been thinking a lot about it. I was listening to the Carolla podcast with Gene Simmons this morning. I think i have to start a business. What are my interests though? Art and writing mostly, but they don't pay. I have to make money and i have to do it doing something I enjoy. I can't do something i don't like. You end up being horrible at it if you do it just for the money because your heart's not in it. Life is too short for that. What are you interested in that you can start a business with? I've been into getting healthy lately, getting into shape, eating right, drinking right. I have to be healthy physically in order to be healthy mentally. They're connected and i know that now. If i wanna be smart and make the right choices, i have to be disciplined and strong. I'm trying to be realistic about my life, where I'm at, what kind of life i want, who i want to be, how I'll get there. I don't wanna struggle. I wanna work and be strong and be successful. I'm not sure yet what I'll do. I'm just brainstorming here for myself at the moment. I have to think outside the box and be smart about the future.

Monday, January 19, 2015

New painting: Man Reaching for the Very First Spring Glory of 2015 on the Side of the Road While Taking a Wizz

Man Reaching for the Very First Spring Glory of 2015 on the Side of the Road While Taking a Wizz

Hope you enjoy this painting. I really enjoyed painting it this morning in the hallway outside our apartment. It was a beautiful sunny morning and the air was clean and clear. The picture's actually pretty large at about 4 ft by 2ft (1.2m by .5m).

I really am in a fortunate position right now. I'm able to really spend my time and energy on following creative impulses in a way I've never been able to before. I feel like I can go further. I would like to push things a bit. Push myself. Let go. I would like to make paintings and drawings that I've never seen before. Actually I wanna make something I've never seen anything even close to. I have a lot of ideas. I wanna make pictures of all kinds. I wanna let the pictures be whatever they wanna be, too. I don't wanna lead the pictures at all. I'd like to it to be painted and then at the end see what it is. I feel a tremendous amount of freedom right now. This blog really is the best way for me to put ideas and pictures and whatever I make up somewhere for people to see.

This picture is interesting because it has a hole in it right in the center of the morning glory. It looks white but it's actually a hole. With this picture I would like to say "Look here". Like, look at this flower, look inside, look beyond it, look beyond this whole gd picture. It's not important. Beyond this picture though, through this picture, wherever it's hanging, maybe there's a piece of wall, a window, a car, people, movement, life. Maybe a picture can be like blinders. Maybe it can highlight something else entirely. I don't know. It's fun to play with ideas and shape and color.

Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing something other than what's actually there. I feel like I'm seeing cars driving and people walking and streets and buildings, but that I'm really just looking at a sheet of energy or something. I can't explain it. It's like there's there's something below everything I can see with my eyes. I don't know. Sounds crazy maybe. I wanna say everything though. Whatever's inside I want to get out. I think I see things differently, and at this point, I need to hear more people talking differently. I'm really tired of hearing about the same things over and over everyday. I need new stimuli. I don’t wanna do the same thing, the same job, the same anything over and over and not grow. "Habits begin as cobwebs and end up as chains" - Spanish Proverb I don't wanna get old as the same thing, I wanna progress, I wanna change and grow and be different things. I want to be successful at many different things. Successful in my opinion of myself. I want to be able to do things for people, too.

I'm unsure talking this way because no one around me talks like this about anything. Basically I have to come here to share it, but this is really me sharing it with myself, saying it's okay to myself to feel whatever you feel It's all ok. Otherwise the ideas live and die with me and what's the point of that.

Last night be met up with some old friends from Hungary who were Prague working on their business. To listen them talking about their ideas and the potential for future growth and an untapped market and all that, it was beautiful. I don't hear that tone very often. Maybe it's the people I hang around. I'm excited for these friends of ours. I guess I'm talking about intense interest and excitement. I know a few artistic people here. Most of them are into how they look and alcohol. They're not really interested in the things people make. I don't really understand that. No one ever talks to me about their art or whatever they're into the way those business friends of ours were doing last night. They asked how things are. I told them I'm at some kind of midpoint. I'm not interested in going back to an office to sit in front of a screen all day. I'd like to work with my hands if that's possible. The guy, his name is Zoltan, said, Maybe you can be an artist. I was, like, wow, that would be awesome. I see that as sort of an impossibility, but it would be amazing. I know I'm not alone in what I like and what I value. I know there's people out there who feel that pull towards making something, but more important than that is people drawn to anything at all. I don't know too many people that have anything at all they get excited about. I know I need to meet new people and make new friends. This time though feels like a transition period. I think I'm starting to focus on the things I'm truly interested in and learning to shut my mind off to distractions. Okay then. I have a really great picture I'm putting up tomorrow with a giant rabbit in it. Hope everybody is lucky enough to find something they get excited about. Later.

Friday, December 12, 2014

New painting: Circle of life

Circle of life

This painting started with the chessboard pattern on the bottom half. It's a nature scene of birds in a few different life situations. There are two small birds towards the bottom (one brown, one gray) looking up at a giant mama bird cawing. There's a baby bird to the bottom right and an interloper of some sort to the top right. The two birds to the left are rolling on their sides laughing.

The upper portion is distorted view of nature that consists of bird parts in the center (bird eyes, beaks, feathers and a bird wing bent backward just below the sun), a flying boy (top left), and two adult humans on their sides interacting (left). The bird(s) in the middle are not much more than a box of eyes and feathers covered over by a wing.

I play chess online and recently played a game where I had an opponent on the ropes early. There was really nothing he could do to turn things his way. It was a only question of time. Being in control of the game and watching my opponent scramble for safety was a good feeling. But being on the other side of that, being dominated and running scared, which happens all the time, sometimes leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth for the game of chess itself and I might not play for a day or two after. Of course, that's the lesson. If you wanna avoid that taste, you have to learn from your mistakes.

I'm sort of fascinated with balance, equilibrium, ebb and flow, push and pull, in my pictures, in my life. I try to be disciplined and focused mentally and physically. I try to work out and eat right. I try to push myself and be consistent with whatever I do. When I make a picture, I'm looking for the right balance of color and shape, but I also want it to lead me a bit. This picture happens to be about the balance of nature, the circle of life. But it's also about appearances sometimes being deceiving, about a lack of balance, about one side perhaps playing a more dominant role over the other.

I worry sometimes that the sad and painful sides of life affect me more than the positive sides. There are times when I think about a family member who's passed and I remember their last few days in the hospital more vividly than the years and years of good times. So this picture is also about how things may actually be balanced and at the same time be distorted, skewed, inaccurate depending on where you're coming from, what you bring to the table, how things affect you. The chess board pattern is part of that. It's widely agreed that the game of chess is not a balanced game. That while it looks balanced from above, one side actually has the advantage. White is always one move ahead.

I'm not trying to be clever and make this painting mean more than it does or did when I painted it. I wasn't thinking all of this through. But I'm looking at it now and attempting to read into it. You might see something different. It might mean something different in your interpretation. I'm reading a good book about writing called Escaping into the Open by Elizabeth Berg. She said something interesting which I tried to follow writing about this picture that I'll end with here: