I'm walking towards the main train station, one of the city's main foot traffic hubs. It's 9ish. Tuesday. I'm watching people come and go. There are a lot of young people on their way to school and a lot of tourists arriving to the city for the first time. If i had a job, i would have to be there now, but since the new year I'm unemployed. A life of doing a job you don't like in front of a computer 8-9 hours a day is not for me anymore. The future is me doing something i enjoy and making money from it. I can feel it. I need to find something where I can work hard for myself and enjoy what I'm doing. I've been thinking a lot about it. I was listening to the Carolla podcast with Gene Simmons this morning. I think i have to start a business. What are my interests though? Art and writing mostly, but they don't pay. I have to make money and i have to do it doing something I enjoy. I can't do something i don't like. You end up being horrible at it if you do it just for the money because your heart's not in it. Life is too short for that. What are you interested in that you can start a business with? I've been into getting healthy lately, getting into shape, eating right, drinking right. I have to be healthy physically in order to be healthy mentally. They're connected and i know that now. If i wanna be smart and make the right choices, i have to be disciplined and strong. I'm trying to be realistic about my life, where I'm at, what kind of life i want, who i want to be, how I'll get there. I don't wanna struggle. I wanna work and be strong and be successful. I'm not sure yet what I'll do. I'm just brainstorming here for myself at the moment. I have to think outside the box and be smart about the future.
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Monday, January 19, 2015
New painting: Man Reaching for the Very First Spring Glory of 2015 on the Side of the Road While Taking a Wizz
|Man Reaching for the Very First Spring Glory of 2015 on the Side of the Road While Taking a Wizz|
Hope you enjoy this painting. I really enjoyed painting it this morning in the hallway outside our apartment. It was a beautiful sunny morning and the air was clean and clear. The picture's actually pretty large at about 4 ft by 2ft (1.2m by .5m).
I really am in a fortunate position right now. I'm able to really spend my time and energy on following creative impulses in a way I've never been able to before. I feel like I can go further. I would like to push things a bit. Push myself. Let go. I would like to make paintings and drawings that I've never seen before. Actually I wanna make something I've never seen anything even close to. I have a lot of ideas. I wanna make pictures of all kinds. I wanna let the pictures be whatever they wanna be, too. I don't wanna lead the pictures at all. I'd like to it to be painted and then at the end see what it is. I feel a tremendous amount of freedom right now. This blog really is the best way for me to put ideas and pictures and whatever I make up somewhere for people to see.
This picture is interesting because it has a hole in it right in the center of the morning glory. It looks white but it's actually a hole. With this picture I would like to say "Look here". Like, look at this flower, look inside, look beyond it, look beyond this whole gd picture. It's not important. Beyond this picture though, through this picture, wherever it's hanging, maybe there's a piece of wall, a window, a car, people, movement, life. Maybe a picture can be like blinders. Maybe it can highlight something else entirely. I don't know. It's fun to play with ideas and shape and color.
Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing something other than what's actually there. I feel like I'm seeing cars driving and people walking and streets and buildings, but that I'm really just looking at a sheet of energy or something. I can't explain it. It's like there's there's something below everything I can see with my eyes. I don't know. Sounds crazy maybe. I wanna say everything though. Whatever's inside I want to get out. I think I see things differently, and at this point, I need to hear more people talking differently. I'm really tired of hearing about the same things over and over everyday. I need new stimuli. I don’t wanna do the same thing, the same job, the same anything over and over and not grow. "Habits begin as cobwebs and end up as chains" - Spanish Proverb I don't wanna get old as the same thing, I wanna progress, I wanna change and grow and be different things. I want to be successful at many different things. Successful in my opinion of myself. I want to be able to do things for people, too.
I'm unsure talking this way because no one around me talks like this about anything. Basically I have to come here to share it, but this is really me sharing it with myself, saying it's okay to myself to feel whatever you feel It's all ok. Otherwise the ideas live and die with me and what's the point of that.
Last night be met up with some old friends from Hungary who were Prague working on their business. To listen them talking about their ideas and the potential for future growth and an untapped market and all that, it was beautiful. I don't hear that tone very often. Maybe it's the people I hang around. I'm excited for these friends of ours. I guess I'm talking about intense interest and excitement. I know a few artistic people here. Most of them are into how they look and alcohol. They're not really interested in the things people make. I don't really understand that. No one ever talks to me about their art or whatever they're into the way those business friends of ours were doing last night. They asked how things are. I told them I'm at some kind of midpoint. I'm not interested in going back to an office to sit in front of a screen all day. I'd like to work with my hands if that's possible. The guy, his name is Zoltan, said, Maybe you can be an artist. I was, like, wow, that would be awesome. I see that as sort of an impossibility, but it would be amazing. I know I'm not alone in what I like and what I value. I know there's people out there who feel that pull towards making something, but more important than that is people drawn to anything at all. I don't know too many people that have anything at all they get excited about. I know I need to meet new people and make new friends. This time though feels like a transition period. I think I'm starting to focus on the things I'm truly interested in and learning to shut my mind off to distractions. Okay then. I have a really great picture I'm putting up tomorrow with a giant rabbit in it. Hope everybody is lucky enough to find something they get excited about. Later.