New painting: Walking around and watching people

I'm walking around town looking at people. Everyone's got their things going on. They're on their paths. I'm off to the side, looking, waiting, wanting some of that, but I don't wanna be in those lanes. I wanna cross the road. I always look toward nature. I want to somehow live above what's typical and normal. I want a better life. I have to make it for myself. I know the pain and struggle is there to serve. I know it is.

I wonder if painting and writing is just redirecting a need for religious devotion to something. Does that make it mean less? What you're looking for is a universal thing, my man. You might not know it but it's balance you're after. Stopping, taking a moment, stepping back...is the right step now. Not walking headstrong in the same direction forever. The road doesn't end. It's about you. Figure out what you want and how to get it from where you're at. You're there already. It's not just about making what you want but about making a life from the things you have. There's people out there that understand that. You're outside looking in but that's okay, for now. Only you can't stay out there. You're on your own road already, but where you're at on it is far enough.

I know I gotta write. I just wanna make something with writing and painting that I've never seen before. I feel like art is full of possibility. Shape, color, lines, are simple things but can speak volumes. On the bus, riding through the city. A bus full of people in total silence. Everybody's somewhere else, distracted, but the hunger's still there. I wanna see more different things, not the same things over and over. I have to make that my reality if I wanna see it.